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by W. A. Ravensdale
Summary: She knew he was toxic, yet she still kept coming back.


_**It's been quite a while since I last posted anything on this site or anywhere really, but I'm back now. This is my first Captain Swan fanfic and I really hope you guys are going to like it. I know it doesn't make much sense right now, but I promise everything will get cleared up eventually. I still haven't decided if I want to leave this as a oneshot or try and see where the story takes me, so if you lovely people would give me some feedback I would really appreciate it. **_

_**The story is AU, so it won't really follow the show. (By the way, can I just say: Oh my god, the season finale! Elsa! Captain Swan! Time-travelling!)**_

_**Also, if anyone is interested in helping me with this story, I'm desperately searching for a beta. **_

_**Disclaimer: I don't own Once Upon a Time or any of its characters.**_

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_**Saturday, April 19th**_

Emma never believed in promises of true love and soul mates and all the bullshit people sold her over the years, but when Killian stepped closer to her, pressing her farther into the kitchen island, and her body molded perfectly into his, she could swear he was made just for her. It made her heart ache longingly and gave her some sick comfort at the same time.

Every part of her skin burned from the tender yet demanding touch of his hands when they travelled up her thighs, raising the hem of her dress inch by inch. His lips were soft on hers and he gently bit down on her bottom lip, making her body hum in anticipation and need.

She parted her lips slightly and he took that as an invitation, letting his tongue slip into her mouth as one of her hands sneaked around his neck. The taste of strawberries, cream and champagne they'd enjoyed earlier along with something that was purely him created an extremely erotic sensation in her mouth, and a soft sound between a moan and a whimper escaped her. Her nails scrapped his scalp and he groaned into her mouth, their tongues battling for dominance.

He was so wonderful, so amazing she'd almost forgotten why she ever decided to stop their little affair in the first place. Her brain screamed at her to stop giving in already, to carry on with her plan and break this hellish thing off once and for all, but the voice was silenced by his breathless growl.

Moving from her lips along her jaw, he kissed the spot just below her ear which made her go crazy, sucking and nibbling relentlessly until he was sure it would leave a mark, only then did his lips travel lower, leaving hot, wet kisses down her exposed neck. One of his hands abandoned her thigh to wander up her side to where it stopped just below her breast, his thumb brushing teasingly over her covered nipple, making her whimper greedily. The sensation combined with his eager kisses sent electric waves down her spine again, making it especially hard for her to not plead for more, though she would not give him that satisfaction – at least not yet.

The hard length of his erection was pressing deliciously against her abdomen and Emma felt the warm sensation which started low in her belly spread to her core, making it hard for her to think about much else but the feeling of his lips assaulting hers again. She was trying not to be the first to give in, but the need was too strong and his hands too eager, so she brought her slightly-trembling hands between their bodies and started undoing the buttons of his jacket.

"Have I ever told you how incredibly fuck-able you look in a suit?" Emma purred against his lips, knowing talking sultrily has always made him amazingly aroused. Smiling to herself when he groaned again, she pushed his jacket off his shoulders and placed it gently on the counter next to them. She knew he hated when his expensive clothes got wrinkly.

Lacing their fingers together, he stepped away from her, smirking at her groan of protest, and tugged her towards the stairs. Silently, she followed him to his spacious bedroom, guiltily enjoying the feeling of her palm in his. When they entered the room, Killian pulled her back into his embrace, kissing her passionately and demandingly, making her knees go weak at the intensity.

"Strip," he ordered softly but with authority.

Smiling teasingly, she turned her back to him, brushing her golden locks over her shoulder. "Help me with the zipper," she said, looking up at him from under her lashes as innocently as she could.

Wordlessly, he brought his hands to her shoulder blades, tenderly tracing his fingers over her inked skin. "I like this little souvenir from your rebellious years," he whispered against her ear, making her shudder as his stubble tickled her neck and his warm breath caressed her skin.

"You're quiet truly an angel." She felt his feather-like kisses over her angel wings and closed her eyes, relishing in his touch.

If she really was an angel, than he was most certainly the devil.

Unzipping her dress sensually, he made sure to take his sweet time with his task. Once he reached her lower back, he stepped away again, and she sighed at the loss of his closeness. "Now, strip," he demanded again, loosening his tie in the process.

Turning around slowly, Emma let her strapless dress slide down her body and pool around her feet, keeping her eyes on his the whole time. The familiar, warm sensation returned to her lower parts as his eyes ran hungrily over her body, his eyes darkening a few shades when they came to rest on hers.

"Get on the bed, now."

More than happy to oblige, Emma stumbled back a few steps until the back of her knees hit the soft mattress and she gracefully sank into the soft Egyptian cotton. Pulling herself higher on the bed, she propped herself up on her elbows, and watched him unbutton and fold his dress shirt with an inviting smirk on her lips. Kicking off his shoes, Killian slowly crawled towards her, his eyes blazing with desire.

Once he was hovering over her, he leaned down and captured one of her aroused nipples between his teeth, sucking lustily. The action made her back arch as she pressed herself closer to him, silently begging for more. Biting lightly on her peak, the mixture of pleasure and pain drew a breathless hiss out of her, and she felt him smirk against her skin.

When he was done assaulting one of her nipples, he repeated the delicious torture on the other, making her cry out as he bit down again. Her fists were gripping the sheets so tightly she was afraid she would tear the soft fabric when she felt his lips wander lower, licking and leaving light kisses over her stomach and abdomen. Placing burning kisses on each of her hips, he tugged her panties down her legs and stuffed them in the back pocket of his dress pants.

Emma had learned months ago that even though Killian Jones was an incredibly selfish man, he was humbly selfless in bed, always focusing his attention solely on her and her pleasure. Sometimes, it seemed like bringing her to the edge, torturing her sweetly until she was pleasing for her release and then finally allowing her to reach oblivion was as equally pleasurable for him as his own release.

Well, she certainly wasn't complaining.

Biting softly on the smooth skin of her inner thigh, he pulled her out of her musings, silently demanding her full attention. The awareness of his lips moving ever so slowly up her thigh, nibbling on her juncture, made her whole body throb with need and desire for this amazing man, before his warm breath finally hit her core and his tongue dipped between her folds. Emma couldn't help herself but to thrust her hips upwards, wanting, _needing _more.

Closing her eyes, she let go of the sheets, only to dive her fingers in his dark hair, clutching his locks furiously as each circle of his tongue brought immense pleasure to her body. The wondrous, lustful things his mouth was afflicting on her heated flesh made her feel so helpless but at the same time strong enough to move a mountain. He had that kind of power over her, and while it enthralled her it also scared her to death.

As he slid two of his talented fingers inside her aching core, Emma knew she would do just about anything for him. And not just because she was so helplessly in love with him, but also because he dominated her like that, completely overwhelmed and possessed her. It was so twistedly amazing it made her hum low in her throat.

Thrusting his fingers into her in a painfully slow pace, he was careful not to let her fall over that edge she was so close to already. She knew what he wanted, and she was too weak to refuse him. "Please," she pleaded anxiously.

"Please, what, love?" He taunted cruelly, curling his fingers in such a way they reached that sweet spot low in her belly, making her cry out in a mix of desperation and desire.

"Killian…"

"Tell me what you want and I'll give it to you," he promised passionately, sucking relentlessly on her small bundle of nerves.

"Please," she chanted, "please, let me come."

Feeling the satisfied smirk against her burning skin, she sighed happily, letting her body finally completely relax. It didn't take long before his thrust became more urgent, his tongue more eager, and she felt her walls close around his fingers, her hands pull at his hair painfully and her muscles clench deliciously. With another few swipes of his skillful tongue, she spiraled over the edge, reaching the sweet oblivion with a set of loud moans.

When she finally came down from her high, Killian had already taken the rest of his clothes off and was slowly advancing on her with hungry eyes, reminding her of a predator stalking its prey. Not even giving her the chance to completely calm down, he lifted her hips and positioned his fully-erect member at her entrance. Slowly, he pushed only his tip inside and then stopped, commanding her to open her eyes and look at him. Shaking, she complied and as soon as her eyes locked with those amazing blue orbs of his, he slammed into her with such force her lips parted in a mixture of pleasure and pain.

"Gods," he rasped, waiting for her to adjust to his size and then lifted her left leg and placed it on his shoulder, sucking on the soft skin of her ankle teasingly.

Arching her back, she pleaded for him to start moving as the indescribable need for him flooded through her again, aching for more. His thrusts started out slow, almost painfully full of promises, but when her gasps grew louder and his pants shallower, he sped up and she matched his pace, meeting his every pound.

"Ugh, Killian," she all but screamed at the waves of pleasure which cursed through her body.

"C'mon, lass, let go," he urged her, trying a different, even more delicious angle.

She was so amazingly close already that when his breathless grunts reached her ears, she was sent over the edge, crying out loudly as the sweet nirvana washed over her, making every muscle in her body flex. With a few powerful thrusts, he spilled inside her, letting go of her leg, and fell forward, barely catching himself on his elbows before he could crush her under his weight.

The sensation was so overwhelming yet at the same time devastatingly heartbreaking, and the words of love and affection hang from the tip of her tongue, but she swallowed them down almost painfully, knowing she could never tell him how she really felt about him. She told herself it was because that just wasn't them, but she knew she was lying to herself. In reality, his refusal would crush and completely destroy her.

So she stayed quiet.

Biting demandingly on her neck, he slowly pulled out but stayed on top of her, waiting for her to catch her breath again. When she finally came down from her high, their eyes met and she almost wished they hadn't. There were so many things she wanted to share with him. She wanted to tell him about her day, to talk about nothing and everything, to be able to whisper sweet nothings into his ear – to be allowed to love him properly.

But she couldn't. Ever.

Emma never considered herself as one of those pathetic women who needed a man in their lives. She had always been independent, brave and confident – she was completely fine with being single and not settling down. That was until Killian came into her life, however. He turned her world completely around, persuaded her into sleeping with him and made her fall in love with him. Only she knew their relationship was strictly sex, and she still fell for it.

It was kind of cruel, to be honest. To have something so amazing so close to you, but at the same time so incredibly far away. She could touch and please him whenever she wanted, but she couldn't talk to him and wake up with him beside her.

They were friends, but not exactly. Outside the bedroom, their relationship was sternly platonic. Living in such a small town as Storybrooke, they couldn't exactly avoid each other or keep their distance. And they were friends before everything happened…well, sort of.

They never really decided to keep their _activities _a secret, it just kind of happened. Ruby and Mary Margaret knew, and probably David too, but that was it. As far as she knew, Killian didn't tell anyone – maybe his brother, but she wasn't sure. She knew she didn't mean all that much to him, so why would he even want to talk about her?

At first, she hoped he would one day realize he was madly in love with her and proclaim his unconditional love to her, but of course, that never happened. So after months of convincing herself that she deserved better, more, she finally decided to end their affair once and for all.

That was why she was here tonight, anyway…she just got a little sidetracked, that was all.

But now, gazing into his amazing eyes, she realized it would be much harder than she thought, so she allowed herself to get lost in those orbs for the last time. They were enchantingly blue, deep as the ocean and bright as the sky. She often got lost in them, she realized. But they weren't just blue; there were so many shades of grey and even green swimming in them one could write a book about them.

But that wouldn't be her. No, because she was letting him go, letting that part of her go. It was time.

"It's over," she blurted out, her eyes widening almost comically – she couldn't believe she had actually done it!

Puzzled, Killian leaned back a few inches, before his surprised face turned into unreadable and his eyes hardened and his jaw clenched. "What?" Cocking his eyebrow he spoke in a cold tone.

Emma drew in a sharp breath, before the tension became unbearable and she pushed him off, getting up as quickly as she could. She knew that if she let him pull her back down, she would most likely not be able to do what she came here to do. She would fall under his spell again, let him ravish her and then go home in tears – just like she had done the last time…and the time before that, and the time before that.

Her eyes frantically searched the room, trying to locate her dress, because she didn't feel all that strong and able to do this while completely naked and exposed like this. She almost cried out in relief once her gaze finally settled on the pile of red a few feet from the bed.

She still couldn't believe she had actually done it.

After having to spend the whole day pretending that she was unconditionally happy for the newly wed, while she really wanted to pluck the bride's eyes out and knock some sense into the groom, she was more than ready to disappear far away from all the chaos. But she couldn't, because she promised herself – and Ruby – that she would end things with Killian tonight.

So, she followed him to his house with every intention of exceeding her plan, when he seduced her with a bottle of champagne, strawberries and cream, and she selfishly allowed herself to sleep with him one last time.

But no more, now she was getting her life back. Now she was freeing herself from his tight grip.

"This, me and you, it's over." She really didn't have the time or the patience to search for her panties, so she just pulled her dress up, bringing her shaky hands to her back to zip it up.

Too anxious and nervous, Emma didn't even notice him getting out of his bed, much less nearing her, but suddenly his strong grip was on her hands and a silent gasp left her mouth. He said nothing, but let her hands fall back down to her sides and started working on her zipper. Her heart was pounding furiously in her chest and her breathing quickened.

"What exactly are you trying to achieve?" His husky voice rasped into her ear then, making a shiver run down her spine for all the wrong reasons as the sharp sound of the zipper echoed through the room.

Did he seriously think she was playing games with him, that she was provoking him just because she was needy! Spinning around, she narrowed her eyes at him in anger and disbelief.

"I'm not trying to _achieve_ anything. This isn't working anymore and I want it to end, simple as that." She lied, pursing her lips. _If only it were really that simple, though. _

His eyes visibly hardened again when the realization of how serious she was finally downed on him. When he spoke again, his voice was cold and harsh. "This is not for you to decide. You can't just walk away like this, Swan."

"Watch me," she all but spat out, turning on her heels and started walking. Her mind was spinning and she had trouble breathing and the only thought on her mind was that she needed to get far away very soon or her trouble would be for nothing.

Before she could even reach the doors, though, his fingers curled around her wrist. Spinning her around roughly, she cried out in surprise, before she was slammed against the wall with such force her shoulder blades started aching, and his mouth crushed on hers possessively.

Without her permission, her body responded to his closeness again and she returned the heated kiss, devouring his mouth hungrily. The thoughts of getting away were suddenly gone and all she could think about was what an amazing kisser he was, and an involuntarily moan escaped her throat.

The soft sound was enough to break the spell he had her under, and her eyes snapped open in panic and disbelief. Pushing at his naked chest with all of her strength, she managed to get him to stumble back a few feet, before her hand connected with his cheek. The sound of the slap rang through the empty room, and her hand throbbed slightly.

"I'm done being your whore, Jones. We are over," she hissed, ignoring his blazing eyes, and walked out of his bedroom, leaving the man she loved behind.

"This is not over, Swan!" Was the last thing she heard before she darted down the stairs.

It wasn't until she was at his driveway that she fully began to understand what she had just done. She broke things off with Killian. She finally summoned enough courage to leave that part of herself behind her along with him. It should have felt good, she should feel free and satisfied, but she didn't. Instead, she felt like crying.

She felt like her security blanket had been torn away from her and she suddenly found herself vulnerable and unprotected. As much as she told herself she didn't need a man to be happy, and as much as she sometimes despised Killian's possessive side, it felt good to belong to someone, even if it wasn't exactly how she had imagined it.

It was just a little past two in the morning and the night was uncharacteristically cold for April, and Emma realized she left her blazer inside, but there was no way in hell she'd go back anytime soon. Instead, she wrapped her arms around her shaking frame and started walking towards her apartment.

With being so late and most of the town either sleeping already or at The Rabbit Hole, the only sound she could hear was the clicking of her ankle-boots on the pavement accompanied with a soft breeze here and there. Although she didn't want any company right now, the silence made her uncomfortable and somehow colder. Shuddering, she hugged herself tighter.

Luckily her apartment wasn't far from Killian's house and it didn't take her more than ten minutes to finally step inside the warm building. All but dragging herself upstairs, she fished the key from her handbag and quietly unlocked the doors, trying not to wake Ruby – if her sister was even there. Emma saw her adoptive sister leave the wedding reception with Victor Whale and if she knew any of them at all, there was little chance Ruby would be home.

Yet when she opened the doors, she noticed the lights were on in the apartment. Curious, she moved to the living room area where she found her sister snoring in the loveseat and her best friend, Mary Margaret curled on the sofa.

Frustrated, she groaned in annoyance. "Please tell me this isn't another intervention," she snorted in exasperation loud enough to startle the two women while taking off her boots.

"Emma!" Mary Margaret jumped to her feet as soon as she noticed the blonde, her face a mask of sympathy and compassion while her eyes appeared sleepy and unfocused.

"Did you do it? Did you tell him to fuck off?" Her sister joined in, standing up as well with a wide yawn.

Her heart ached at the question, bringing up some less than pleasant memories from earlier which she didn't allow herself to think off at all until now, but she swallowed them down and composed herself. "It's done. Now I appreciate your concern but I'm exhausted so I'm just going to crash."

"Emma-" her best friend started, but Emma didn't let her finish.

"Thanks for stopping by Mary Margaret, but I'm fine, really."

"You sure?" Ruby probed, her eyes narrowed in suspicion. When Emma nodded, her younger sister scoffed in mocked-annoyance and exclaimed, "so you're telling me I gave a night of kinky sex up for nothing?!"

Chuckling lightly under her breath, Emma shook her head in amusement, but scolded her features moments later. "Can I go now?"

"Yeah, you can go, but as long as you promise to talk to us tomorrow," Mary Margaret narrowed her eyes at her seriously, making Emma exhale loudly.

"Fine. Good night,"

"Night, sis'"

"Good night, Emma."

With another half-hearted nod, the blonde climbed the iron stairs and closed the door of her bedroom behind her. Throwing her handbag onto the small table in the corner, she headed towards her en-suite bathroom, but stopped when she caught her reflection in the full length mirror in the corner.

The figure staring back at her was the same as always, but she didn't recognize it.

She was wearing a sleeveless, form-fitting, crimson dress that ended just above her knees. The top half of the dress was covered with a thin, black lace and ended with a heart-shaped neckline. And while the dress was truly beautiful, it made Emma feel like a complete stranger.

She didn't wear dresses often; she'd have jeans and her red leather jacket over tight skirts any day.

But it wasn't the dress that made her so foreign, not really. What she saw in the mirror was a broken girl, someone weak and vulnerable – someone pathetic. And that wasn't her, that could never be her. She was a strong, independent woman who had just done something incredibly brave and right.

Why did she feel so devastatingly wrong then?

Tearing her eyes away from the cruel reflection, she stripped and showered in record speed, not allowing the hot water to sooth her just yet. Once she was done brushing her teeth, she pulled a worn-out, oversized T-shirt over her head and crawled under the covers.

Her eyes felt heavy, like they carried the burden of the world on their lids and she just wanted this day to be over already, but her mind didn't let her rest in peace. Instead, her thoughts wandered back to Killian and she thought of what he must be doing now, if he's thinking about her at all or did he find someone else to play with already, and what did he mean when he said it wasn't over yet? Her mind was swirling and before she knew it, hot tears were running silently down her cheeks, making her snort in disgust. She absolutely hated crying.

To say she didn't get much sleep that night was an understatement. It was hours before she heard a faint creak of her doors and then light footsteps approached her bed. The mattress dipped under the weight of her sister. Neither of them said anything as Ruby wrapped her hand around the blonde comfortingly and she was finally able to close her eyes.

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**_Should I continue or leave it as it is?_**

**_Review?_**


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